SUM EGO SOLLICITUS? AM I BOTHERED?
BITINGLY SATIRICAL LYRICS FROM THE TOWNSHIPS OF EAST SUSSEX. SARCASTIC, FACETIOUS AND DOWNRIGHT VICIOUS SONGS AND PARODIES. INCISIVE, IRREVERENT, IRRELEVANT AND INHERENTLY INACCURATE COMMENT AND OPINION
Due in part to the ban on smoking in pubs, the cold weather and the pressing demands of his other artistic endeavours Colin Bailey has retired temporarily from the music scene and is now writing this rubbish instead.
BAD TRACK RECORDS!
Sarcastic, facetious and downright vicious lyrics, satire, parody and irreverent comment, tosh, twaddle and opinionated verbiage from the townships of East Sussex by artistic layabout Colin Bailey
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SUM EGO SOLLICITUS?
WYKONANIE RENOWACJI, POPRZEZ APLIKACJE ANTYKOROZYJNEJ POWLOKI
ZABEZPIECZAJACEJ (WYKLADZINY), ZBIORNIKÓW !
So it looks like we won't be getting a referendum on Europe. Did anyone ever think we would? Gordon Brown has cast his lofty glass eye on his subjects and decided that as democratically elected leader of the country (must have missed THAT vote) our future lies with Europe whether we like it or not. Not the nasty Old Europe that would periodically trample through Belgium to have a bit of a barney, but a happy contented, prosperous and United Europe that is now expanding faster than a puddle of puppy pee on a sloping lino floor. This New Europe is now dividing and subdividing faster than an amoeba on amphetamines with a serious generation gap developing between the grumpy old farts in their tatty slippers to the west and the callow hoodies swapping illicit ciggies in their playground to the East.
Barely fresh from burning each other's tractors, shagging each other's goats and
generally acting in a frightfully uncivilised manner these New Europeans have also
taken with gusto to dissing their elders in that most sacred of European institutions
-
Last year it was the ASBO's of Europe's turn and with a fine lack of regard for the
hallowed traditions of Eurovision they swept all before them with an exuberant display
of strategic, tactical, anarchic, wilful and downright incomprehensible voting.
The
Old countries of Europe are now the parents of rowdy teenagers. We will still hand
out the pocket money but tomorrow belongs to them.....
BREAKING NEWS! MARCH 2008
FREE MUSIC DOWNLOADS?
NO! We don’t do Free Music downloads. If you have typed “Free Music downloads” into Google and reached here you have been misled! We have never done Free Music downloads and probably never will do Free Music downloads.
Sorry
EUROPEAN CUP LATEST SCORES
Real Madrid 0 Real IRA 2 Asafetida 1 Cilantro 3
Narnia 1 Macadamia 1
With a brimming treasure chest from her recent encounter with crinkly scouse rock
legend Sir Paul McCartney, allegedly 'fit blonde' Heather Mills dropped anchor in
the sleepy Sussex port of Rye last week and sizzled the powder of local male drinkers
by "cutting out" a local barman and Captain Jack Sparrow look-
Already home to Captain Pugwash creator John
Ryan, Rye with its history of seafaring and smuggling looks "on station" to take
advantage of the Piratemania now washing its quaint cobbled streets. The picture
postcard town has been in the doldrums since waking up one morning to find the sea
had upped anchor and moved two miles away to the distinctly un-
Enterprising
local furniture entrepreneur 'Walking the plank' Andy has already embarked on a range
of pine wooden legs suitable for would be buccaneers and their Molls -
A short
cable length from Andy's cabin is the newly renamed "Sailmakers Arms" where Rye's
"lower gun deck" are already running up the town's new colours. To a heavy swell
of rattling half-
As Rye's timbers shiver with anticipation
and its tea rooms, antique shops and pubs open their gun ports and run out their
canons for the coming tourist season, rumours have already started to circulate that
a fouth Pirates of the Caribbean Film: "The Mermaid's Curse" has already been set
in Rye. If so there should be no shortage of extras available...
SARCASTIC, FACETIOUS AND VICIOUS LYRICS, SATIRE, PARODY AND IRREVERENT COMMENT, TOSH, TWADDLE AND OPINIONATED VERBIAGE FROM THE TOWNSHIPS OF EAST SUSSEX BY ARTISTIC LAYABOUT COLIN BAILEY
BROKEN NEWS:
SONG PARODIES
Golden Brown -
Good Riddance -
The Girl from Ipanema
Times they are a changing -
These foolish things
DON’T TRY AND SELL ME THE WATCHTOWER
All Along the Watchtower -
Hurricane -
All Day and All of the Night -
THE FIRST MUTT IS THE CHEAPEST
First cut is the deepest -
Da do Ron Ron
LYRICS
So here we go again; the twice yearly farce of waking up to find nobody knows what time it is.
We are now officially in British Summer Time (BST) which of course being an hour ahead of Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) coincides with Central European Time (CET) or Western European Summer Time (WET+1) until they decide to move their clocks around too. As everyone is fully aware GMT has been replaced now by UTC which is Coordinated Universal Time or UT for short. Originally UTC was Coordinated Universal National Time which nobody could think of an abbreviations for. Perversely the military call GMT "Zulu time" for reasons that presumably are a question of national security. The Navy would still be lost without "solar time".
GMT was adopted across Britain by the railways in 1847 although in 1858 a court case upheld "local mean time" as the official time. By 1880 GMT or "railway time" was adopted nationwide. This is not to be confused with British Rail Time which meant anything they bloody well wanted it to.
During the darkest days of the Second World War Britain was effectively on "British Double Summer Time" (BDST); The British Double Summer Mean (BDSM) was abandoned as an official name as it sent the "wrong signals" to the Germans.
The clocks were not advanced for the summer of 1945 and were reverted to GMT at the end of the summer of 1946. In 1947 the clocks were advanced by one hour twice during the spring and put back twice during the autumn so that Britain was on BDST during the height of the summer.
Safety campaigners, including the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA), have made recommendations that British Summer Time be maintained during the winter months, and that a "double summertime" be applied to the current British Summer Time period, putting the UK two hours ahead of GMT during summer.
The British Standard Time (BST) scheme was trial led between 1968 and 1971, when Britain remained on GMT+1 all year.
In 2005, Lord Tanlaw introduced the Lighter Evenings (Experiment) Bill into the House
of Lords, which would advance winter and summer time by one hour for a three-
During all this "time" Greenwich has actually moved; the prime meridian is now 5.31" E.
As Shakespeare so aptly put it:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
TIME GENTLEMEN PLEASE!
British Time once more goes into meltdown
RYE ECONOMY GETS
LEG UP
twere not for grazing on that forsaken gorse
my kingdom lost through spite and force.
What hope for England now?
my past behind, a throne beneath
all lost on that dammed heath
and this accursed row"
ALL A LOAD OF BALKANS!
