Arms and the Mann

BAD TRACK RECORDS!

Sarcastic, facetious and downright vicious lyrics, satire, parody and irreverent comment, tosh, twaddle and opinionated verbiage from the townships of East Sussex by artistic layabout Colin Bailey

SARCASTIC, FACETIOUS AND VICIOUS LYRICS, SATIRE, PARODY AND IRREVERENT COMMENT, TOSH, TWADDLE AND OPINIONATED VERBIAGE FROM THE TOWNSHIPS OF EAST SUSSEX BY ARTISTIC LAYABOUT COLIN BAILEY

BREAKING THE NEWS!

BROKEN NEWS:

Arms and the Mann

One Prat to Rule them All

SONG PARODIES

Golden Brown - The Stranglers

GOOD RIDDANCE

Good Riddance - Green Day

THE GIRL WITH EMPHYSEMA

The Girl from Ipanema

THE TIMES THEY ARE UNSHAVEN

Times they are a changing - Bob Dylan

THESE CRUELISH THINGS

These foolish things

DON’T TRY AND GIVE ME THE WATCHTOWER

All Along the Watchtower - Bob Dylan

GUANTANAMO

Hurricane - Bob Dylan

I WANT TO PAY TO BE A KNIGHT

All Day and All of the Night - The Kinks

THE FIRST MUTT IS THE CHEAPEST

First cut is the deepest - Cat Stevens

DA DO ENRON

Da do Ron Ron

LYRICS

LESSONS OF MASS CONSTRUCTION

LOCK 'EM UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEATS

WHEN WILL WE EVER LEARN

YOU DON’T WANT…

OBLIGATORY BLOG

FREE MUSIC DOWNLOADS?

NO! We don’t do Free Music downloads. If you have typed “Free Music downloads” into Google and reached here you have been misled! We have never done Free Music downloads and probably never will do Free Music downloads.

Sorry

CRIPES!

It was all a bit of a shambles admitted Mann affably; "...one minute the chaps and I were quaffing a few beers in the the back of the plane and ...CRIPES! ... the the next thing we knew we were surrounded by frightfully unfriendly darkies waving machine guns.... and hauled up before the beak with exercise books down our trousers"

Amongst his alleged co-conspirators are a number of ex-inmates of the notorious Eton public school in Windsor, England where Mann studied A' level: Overthrowing small oil rich African States, Mislaid weaponry, and Social Networking.

He was, “Mad” Mike Madison, his house-master and explosives teacher at Eton reflects vaguely, “ an unremarkable student”

Immediately on his release after spending 4 years in jail in "Zimbers" the softly spoken soldier of misfortune was whisked unceremoniously away to Equatorial Guinea and Black Beach in Malabo; a popular local beauty spot. “..not too bad as nasty foreign jails go... almost cushy after Eton...” Mann remarked with his characteristically endearing stoicism as he toyed absentmindedly with the chains adorning his wrists.

POOR SHOW!

Shares in several leading British companies took a tumble today as leaked copies of Mann's list circulated in the City. “Poor show... letting the side down” was the muted response of one senior government minister, speaking from Heathrow Airport on his way to an urgent conference abroad.

Meanwhile rumours that Harrison Ford has been asked to play Mann in a forthcoming film of the mischievous scamp's adventures suggest that Mann may yet leave them all with EG on their faces.

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The playing fields of Eton will be closed this Weekend for essential mine clearance.

ARMS AND THE MANN

The notorious Black Beach Jail, Malabo, Equatorial Guinea

SIMON MANN

- who once shared a brain cell with successful British entrepreneur and society raconteur “Sir” Mark Thatcher, has rocked the British establishment by revealing a surprise list of his co-conspirators in the ill fated attempt to overthrow Obi Wan Kenobi the Emperor of Equatorial Guinea.

SIMON MANN MARCH 2008